I see leaders softening language when they want someone to change their behavior to avoid the pinch that comes when you ask someone to do something. You may have heard language before that include “Can you…” or “What if you…” or “Why don’t you…” Leaders that soften a request and avoid sounding directive very often communicate a request that sounds optional to your staff. If a request isn’t optional, don’t use language that allows your team to interpret that way.

Early in my career I recall thinking I wanted to stay away from giving specific direction to my team. I wanted to give my team flexibility to solve problems in a way that worked best for them. I would use language that suggested options. For example, I would say “The way I would handle this problem is…” or “What I’ve done before is…” These words are great if you truly don’t care if your team implements the suggestion or not. There are times when you are brainstorming and this language is effective. I realized when I wanted my team to follow my specific direction, I needed to change my language.

I learned to be specific when what I needed was specific. For example, if I wanted to get a weekly status report from one of my team I would need to ask for it explicitly. I would not say “Keep me updated.” I would say “Will you please send me an email by Friday at 5pm ET with a bulleted list of what you’ve accomplished for the week?” This request is unambiguous. Your team member will say “yes”, and you have a commitment to do specifically what you ask.

Sometimes the pinch feels particularly strong when you are asking for something that you felt your team should have already provided. This type of request feels more like feedback. I would encourage you to use feedback in private in these circumstances.

For example, I might say “When you fail to update your status in the sprint tracking tool, it slows us down and we can’t get through our daily stand-up in 15 minutes. Will you please do that differently next time?” Once you’ve set expectations clearly for what you need from your team, use feedback to provide private course corrections.

As I began managing more senior people, I found I was less likely to direct task level detail. Instead, I begin communicating expectations of the outcomes. Even through this shift in seniority, being specific has still been important.

For example, when I need a recommendation for a new architecture. I would say “Will you please send me a written recommendation of what architecture we should use along with the other options you evaluated, the criteria you used and how you rated each option?” There is plenty of flexibility in this request to do the work however works best for your team. At the same time, the recommendation components are specific and clear. I want to avoid getting a recommendation without the detail of the alternatives not selected or why (which is an important factor to me in making a decision).

Be specific when you communicate expectations. Don’t soften your request using words that confuse your team and give them a sense that something may be optional that is not. How do you communicate specific expectations to your team?