Listening is a lost art in modern life. So many things contend for your attention. Consider your day today. How often have you been distracted and not totally listening? Leaders connect with others. Notice when you’re in a conversation. Work to listen fiercely to the person speaking and you’ll connect on an entirely new level.

It is understandable that you have many priorities pulling at you. Maybe you’re getting ready for your day, checking your e-mail, trying to meet a looming deadline. In these circumstances, it’s tempting to allow a conversation to proceed even though we are preoccupied. Especially if we’re on the phone and pulled to multitask. Even when we’re standing in front of someone, we feel justified in checking our phone because we feel we can do both.

I have made the mistake in the past of assuming listening is a passive activity. I have assumed that listening is something that I can do while doing other more active things. What I have realized is that even in the best of circumstances, I give the impression that I don’t care about the conversation. At worst, I miss key points in the conversation. I always miss developing real empathy for the other person in the conversation.

I continue to have experiences that reinforce the value in focusing on the conversation. When I’m driving, I’m not giving the conversation 100%. I have found I am much more effective when I decide to pull over. When I’m in front of my computer, I must resist my tendency to scan my e-mail. These distractions will pull you away from fiercely listening.

I make it a practice to set aside other distractions when I’m listening. When I’m standing and the other person is sitting, I will sit. If I have something in my hands (phone, papers, whatever) I will put it down. I will make eye contact. I will acknowledge the speaker, affirm the points made and often allow moments of silence to see what develops. When I’m on the phone, I often take handwritten notes of the words spoken. It helps me resist the temptation to do something else.

Not every person immediately appreciates this fierce listening. When I’m in a conversation with someone who is distracted, this level of intense focus is uncomfortable. Often when I’m in a conversation with someone where they clearly are preoccupied; I will offer to come back another time. Sometimes this offer is just the jolt my companion needs. Together we can decide if now is the time to give the conversation entire focus.

I find that I often receive focused attention back in response. Sometimes the other person simply accepts my invitation to be left alone. Many times my conversation partner simply doesn’t realize they are dividing their attention. This is a kind way to highlight that the conversation may not be as effective if your partner isn’t focused on you.

Leaders make connections with others. It is possible to get through your day without actively listening. You’ll pass the time. You may avoid leaving a bad impression. You will not make deep connections with people. You will miss adding value through these connections.