“Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

I recall one of the best interview questions I was asked was “what would your last boss say is your biggest weakness?” It is a different way to ask the more obvious “tell me a weakness” question by asking you to see yourself through the eyes of someone else. It lead me to answer the question with more objectivity, and even if I disagreed with the observation I was sharing what my boss would say.

I have come to grips with the reality that other people perceive me differently than I perceive myself, and that their perception is often important to my success. The more I can look at myself through other’s perspectives the better I am at charting a path to where I want to go. Early on in my career, I cared little about how other people perceived me. This was true to a point where other people thought I was arrogant and self centered due to my behaviors and I was entirely unaware.

I’ve been offered the opportunity to have someone do a 360 review on my performance a few times in my career. This process involves someone asking a variety of people for feedback on your performance, ideally with different vantage points like subordinates and peers. I have a healthy skepticism for this process when done in an organization. A 360 review can be misused when the person aggregating and communicating the feedback has their own agenda. At the same time, I’ve benefited from the feedback even given the flaws. It is important not to discount any feedback given as an opportunity to learn about yourself.

I was listening to this podcast where the CEO of a startup is working to understand his own 360 feedback. It is compelling to hear him unpack what is shared with him and how he feels about it. One of the key takeaways is that he wants to get better, and he realizes that he may need to change and respond to the feedback he gets in order to get better. It is also a surprisingly emotional journey for him. Real change is hard and uncomfortable. Facing up to real feedback is a path to making the unconscious become conscious.

I don’t know that the solution is for everyone to get a 360 review. I’ve seen it misused fairly often. Notably some managers use it as a replacement for meaningful professional development for their staff. Some company cultures can encourage less-than-honest feedback. We have opportunities to ask for feedback from people we trust, and listen to people in our lives share with us how we are perceived. We all have the ability to really hear this feedback, and do something about it.

Ask yourself the question “what would (fill in a person you care about) say is something I really need to work on?” You probably know what they’d say, and you might immediately refute the validity. Consider that it is valid to that person. What behavior would they call out? Being chronically late? Overly critical? Too direct? Ask yourself what drives the behavior. Ask yourself is it in your control? What would be the cost of making a change (or not)?