There is a big difference between asking your staff for help and telling people what to do. The result is your staff doing something out of fear versus your staff doing work because they want to. Your staff who wants to see work get done will go the extra mile. I have found that asking is much more effective in the long-run.

As a leader an increasing part of your job is getting others to do work. You are responsible for the outcome of an organization and work done by others. How often are you telling people what to do rather than asking them? Are you giving an authority-driven directive such as “You must do this” (with the implication your job is on the line). You are relying on your role power and the fear of reprisal.

I recall early in my career as I became responsible for other software developers I would often tell them when I wanted something done, or how I wanted it done. I was a good software developer. As the boss I felt my job was to give tasks and deadlines. Only later did I realize that I was coming across as a tyrant giving orders.

One risk to asking is that your staff might say ‘no’. In my experience, the risk is low that someone is going to say no when you ask for help. It has happened to me only twice in my career, and I’ve overcome the objection by using the tactics below. Asking for help is one of the most powerful tools of a leader. It brings people into a circle of trust. Imagine the power of someone saying ‘yes’ when you ask for help; they are committed.

What happens if your staff member does say no? Surface the objections. I have asked “why are you unable to help me?” Your staff can tell you what reservations they have and you can help enable them to be successful. Perhaps they are already too busy (help them prioritize), they see it as someone else’s responsibility (you can clarify) or they fear failure because they don’t have the required experience (you can provide them with resources).

Another tactic includes phrasing the question outside of a basic “yes/no” framework. I have asked “How can you get this work done by Friday?” or “When can you get this work done?” There is power in getting a commitment for help. What follows is often a negotiation of how that will happen. When you give your staff a chance to fill in some of the details like “how” or “when” they are fully a part of solving the problem.

Consider the difference between asking and telling in what influence you have in your organization. Two main drivers are authority or relationship influence. You may gain more authority to tell people what to do with the implied consequence to their job for noncompliance. Alternatively, you may influence people through your relationship. Your staff does what you ask because they value your relationship.

How often are you asking vs telling in your relationship with your staff? Lead your staff with the desire to help you, not the fear of reprisal. Ask your staff for their help and the results will be far more than just enough.