I was talking to a former colleague today and he shared with me his happiness with a (relatively) new role. One of the sources of his happiness was a feeling of balance, that he was able to work and contribute while also having a personal life.

I asked what it was that made this situation different than past roles in this regard. He said “they don’t pay me enough to give up everything for the work.” It sounded to me like he felt that they didn’t own him. “Yes, they don’t pay me enough to own me.”

This exchange got me thinking about that evaluation of ownership. Whether you feel owned depends heavily on how much you value yourself. Consider for a moment, when you value yourself at three times what anyone will pay you, you'll never be owned. You will never give up the key parts of yourself to work.

I have colleagues that work for companies where they have given themselves entirely to work. These people routinely trade off being home for dinner or leisure time on the weekend in favor of work. It isn't entirely a factor of money. I suspect that the combination of responsibility and compensation lead some to feel like they can never give enough of themselves to their work.

I recall a few years ago having an epiphany that my own self was worth significantly more than anyone would be willing to pay me in salary. Certainly I was happy to work in return for a decent wage. I also knew I had other priorities including my family and professional interests that might not be the same as the organization for which I work. So I kept in mind that I was control of where I spend my time. No one owned one-hundred percent of my time and energy.

Not everyone agrees with this mental framework. I know plenty of leaders who want to feel like they own their staff. I recall last year having a discussion about working together with a former colleague. My philosophy that I needed time to balance coaching and writing with whatever consulting work I was doing meant I couldn’t dedicate every waking moment to his project. In the end it meant we couldn’t find common ground to work together although we remain friends.

In contrast, I have clients where I work a significant amount towards their goals and they are very happy with the results. We have agreed I am not spending all my time on their project, and yet I am able to make material and positive impact on the outcome. I also continue to work on other projects. It is a win-win for both of us.

You don’t need to be a consultant to think of ourselves as the captain of your own ship. I have heard more than once the idea that you are CEO of “You, Inc.” and it’s important to choose where you spend your time and set your own goals. Consider whether you have given up this responsibility for the salary you are being paid. If you value yourself enough, nobody owns you.