The best technical leaders are confident without letting their ego get in the way of actually leading. When you’re good at something, you don’t need to beat people up with that fact. As a leader, it can be hard to slow down and teach others. The best leaders check their ego to be sure they are acting in support of the team first, and not focusing on themselves.

I was reminded of how this can come across when my friend Nicole shared a news release by Vox Media. They just made the news themselves by banning micro aggressions as a part of their code of conduct. It is somewhat humorous take on this sort of behavior (can you ban someone from being subconsciously condescending). I see it as a reflection of unchecked ego; that anyone feels they must over explain or dominate a meeting. The most helpful line in the code of conduct is “…listen at least as much as you speak.”

Jim Collins talks about this as level 5 leadership in his book Good to Great. I know not everyone is a fan of Collins’ books (I’m looking at you Shelby). I personally find this insight useful as it helps debunk the myth of egocentric celebrity. I see lots of attention focused on newsworthy (read controversial) leaders. The insights from Collins’ book are that many of the most effective leaders work hard to stay out of the limelight. They put the organization ahead of their own ego.

I learned the lesson of “proportional contribution” from Steve McConnell as he facilitated a discussion at one of his software executive summits. I was in a small group discussion on a topic we were all passionate about, and we were each used to being the “expert” on these types of topics in our organization. Steve instructed us to be aware of how often we were contributing to the discussion, and to expect that we would each contribute only about one-fifth of the comments because there were five of us in the group. It was a great way to realize that some participants in the group might have a tendency to talk half the time, and that would not support everyone contributing to the discussion.

Check your own behavior as it relates to your ego. Become an observer of your actions. Pay attention. Are you subconsciously serving your own ego? Are you telling more than asking? Are you talking more than listening? Are you lifting others up, or knocking them down? Ask yourself if your contribution helps the organization, or helps your own ego.